Closing Thoughts

It is a familiar kind of centering that I find in the monastic lifestyle. I have never lost my love for living life centered in strong, passionate tradition.  Familiar cultural/familial customs form firm foundations and time-honored traditions have continued to direct and enrich my life.  In fact, I’m drawn to them and am somewhat out of step with the corporate world in which I move every day as a business woman.  There are almost no time- honored traditions here any more.  People and customs are easily disposed of in favor of the bottom line.  Running after a “bottom line” that is by its economic nature, ever changing, is hardly a centering experience. Yet, my life at present is not without reward, joy, blessing and grace.  I do find myself in very unfamiliar territory and sometimes alone in my desire for centeredness. I gravitate toward people, who like myself, have a love for tradition – even if that tradition is different from my own. I fill my life with these people because with them I have a sense of connectedness that, for me at least, is sadly missing in the American workplace of the 21^st century.

I believe it is also necessary to understand that monastic life and practices are very specific, stable and particular within a community.  The variety of cultures and experiences I had in early life was wonderful and exciting – yet, it was not the variety that I found centering, it was the desire and intention of the people to focus and to direct their lives toward something special that brought the centeredness.  

There is no life without struggle and even the familiar can be a challenge.  Perhaps, the challenges may sometimes be even greater in the centered life than in an ever-changing world that acknowledges no need for a center but rather, goes from one thing to another eternally chasing what “feels good” or “looks good” at any moment.  As a child, I watched my family and neighbors work hard to remain centered and balanced.  As an adult I have had to do much of that work myself.  I fully expect that monastic life will require my full attention (“paying attention” is a centering act in itself) and willingness to work at remaining focused on the center, Christ, for the rest of my life.  

I am grateful to the dear nun who gave me the opportunity to work through this question.  When I started to ponder it, I didn’t know how much there was inside me. Making my way through the maze of my own thoughts and the knowledge I’ve gained throughout my years and then seeking to personalize those things and get in touch with my deeper senses and feelings has left me more grounded and even more certain of my desire, a desire I believe God has placed and kept in my heart, for monastic life.  I look forward to going deeper into the center of this desire.